The Biggest Incentive
by PikaSass
Summary: Misty is struggling with a disease of the mind and in the process she's losing everything she held dear to her. Desperate to break free but finding it hopeless, she has no choice but to comply with an extreme and unwanted solution.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Pokémon.

A/N: I'm putting a fic up! Woohoo! I actually started this in July at school during a bored moment and finished it tonight with some sort of unexplainable urge. It might seem a bit shorter than my others but I dunno, tell me what you think.

It was sterile. Too sterile. It was like this was a place for people with infectious, contagious diseases instead of diseases of broken minds and souls. This was a place of little hope and repetitive failure. It was a place that scared Ash Ketchum to the core of his soul.

Not that there was anything to be particularly scared of. No bogey men were going to jump out of the closets, nor was he going to get a round of shots or anything. He was just going to visit his best friend. To anyone else it would've been routine procedure.

Rehab wasn't routine procedure for him, and he never imagined it would be for his best friend either. But she had landed herself here, although Ash continually blamed himself. Couldn't he see how thin she was getting, how little she ate, how tired she had become in those last few days before she was sent away? He had been known to have 20/20 vision, and yet he was blind to the most important thing in his life.

"Right this way, Mr. Ketchum." Ash raised his eyes from the floor at the nurse's voice. This was it. A white door indicated that indeed Misty Waterflower was keeping residence there and he slowly walked in behind the nurse. "Misty, you have a visitor."

Ash had to keep in his gasp and blink away the tears that immediately formed in his eyes. How could he have not have seen this before? Why was she even in rehab if she wasn't getting any better? Too many questions ran through his mind and prevented him from speaking as her hollow eyes locked with his.

"Ash…I can't believe you're here" Misty whispered lifelessly. The nurse left, closing the door behind her, and Ash nervously scuffed his shoes on the vinyl floor.

"Um, I just thought, uh, you might want some…I dunno, um, some company or something" he stammered. He had never in his life felt this inadequate in front of her. Words had never had a problem getting to his mouth but now they were frozen in his throat. 

"Thank you." Misty's smile was small but it was enough to make Ash see even a little bit of hope. "You can sit down if you want, I'm not contagious" she informed him. Ash slowly made his way over to the chair beside her bed, rehearsing in his mind what he would say to her.

"So…um, how are you?" he asked nervously.

"Ash, seriously, how do you think I am? I'm in rehab with people who are all like me, who have no hope unless it's death and you ask me how I am? Well Ash, I'm jumping over the moon" Misty said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry Mist, I didn't mean to -"

"It's okay" Misty said, her tone immediately softening. "I'm…well, I'm surviving I guess. I'm so glad you've come to see me, I know it must have taken you a lot of courage to do that." Ash smiled and glanced over at her bedside table. A tray of untouched food lay there, the contents now unattractive to the average person. To Misty, they would've been unattractive the second she laid eyes on them.

"You're still not eating" he noted flatly.

"I know" Misty sighed. "I can't eat. I eat, I feel bad, I want to die -"

"How can you say that?" Ash interrupted forcefully. "How can you say you want to die when you have a life many would envy? Well, I suppose they would envy it before all this happened." He could still remember the day she collapsed, the day he swore would be her last, and all because he had been so ignorant. Now that he had been educated on the warning signs of something like anorexia, he couldn't understand why he hadn't seen it.

"Ash, you don't understand. The food is my enemy" Misty said weakly.

"No! You damn well know that's bull, Mist! Food is not going to kill you, in fact it's going to do the complete opposite. It's going to make you healthy again! Don't you want that? Don't you crave to go outside and feel grass under your feet, to be in a Pokémon battle again, to see new and exciting things every day?! Don't you _want _that?" Ash exclaimed in a flurry. The sympathy he had felt for her was quickly diminishing into anger at her hopeless attitude.

"Of course I want that. I want that and more." Misty's voice trembled with the power of what Ash had just said.

"Well then that's why you're here. I didn't put you in here so you could wallow away in your own pity, no I put you in here so you could be yourself again" Ash pointed out. Misty cast her eyes down in an emotion she couldn't understand. Maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was the longing to be who she used to be - a carefree, happy teenager with no burdens and no worries in the world - but maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was something she would never truly understand until it was too late.

"You didn't have to put me in here" Misty said quietly.

"Yes I did! I did it the minute I knew something was up and I did it because I hate, I absolutely cannot _stand,_ to see you this sick. When you were the Misty I knew, the one who was so free spirited and energetic, I was -" Ash cut himself off as he realised what he had nearly said. She didn't need to know that. Or did she? 

"Ash? What are you talking about?" Misty quizzed. 

"It doesn't matter" Ash mumbled.

"Of course it matters. You're my friend, my best friend at that, and everything you do matters to me" Misty said seriously. 

"No, all that matters right now is that you get better." Ash reached over to the tray of untouched food, ignoring Misty's widening eyes. "You are going to have at least a mouthful of something. I don't care if you take a bite out of a gumboot, I refuse to see you waste away like this any longer." He held out a forkful of mashed potato to her, only to watch her turn her head in rejection. "Misty! I'm not taking this shit anymore!" Ash threatened.

"Don't you dare force me to eat, you can't make me" Misty argued. 

"I'm serious, Mist. Just have one forkful and you'll be on your way" Ash said slowly. He couldn't get too angry, it wasn't fair.

"No! You don't understand!" Misty yelled. The yell was soft by her standards and wasn't enough to stop Ash's persistence.

"Just eat it! Don't be so stupid about this" Ash said in frustration.

"NO!" Misty yelled more forcefully. With that she suddenly turned around and knocked the fork out of his hand with such power that Ash didn't have time to think until the fork had hit the ground with an echoing clatter. He stared at her with wide eyes, confusion ravaging his system and sympathy once again settling in as he witnessed her eyes filling with tears.

"Please Misty. I need you to eat. It's for your own good" he said desperately.

"No it's not. Just drop it." Her voice trembled under the stress of what had just happened.

"You can put an end to all this now, you can be who you truly are if you just have a morsel of something. I know you're not meant to be anorexic. This wasn't written in the stars. You've got to do something before it's..." _Too late._ He couldn't finish the sentence. There was no way Misty would be dying of something like this. It just wasn't right.

"I can't do it" Misty whispered. She avoided his eyes until he put the tray back on her bedside table and stood up with a sigh.

"Okay, fine, give up. Be the failure you never were, let this thing rule you completely, don't even consider taking charge and turning this around. You can just sit here and wither if that's all you want." A silence followed his words before Misty finally met his eyes.

"I don't want that" she said, somewhat defiantly.

"Then eat something, for Chrissakes!" Ash exclaimed. "It's not that difficult!"

"You haven't got a goddamn clue, Ash. I am _sick_. I have a disease."

"Yes, but it's a disease of your mind and only you can overcome it. Pills and medicine and doctors can't help you, only you can help yourself." Ash paused before speaking again in quieter tones. "I so desperately want to help you. I hate seeing you like this. I get so frustrated when you say you can't eat or you can't get better because I _know _that you can. The last thing you need is a frustrated friend and that's all I am to you, so I guess I better -"

"Ash, don't" Misty pleaded. "I know what you're gonna say and I don't want you to say it. You can't leave me to fight this myself, I haven't got the power. I want to get better, really I do, but you leaving won't help me."

"Me staying doesn't seem to be helping you either."  


"No, you forcing me to eat doesn't help me" Misty replied. "The nurses say it can take years for anorexia to truly be cured."

"Years?!" Ash spluttered in disbelief. "You're gonna be stuck in here for _years_? Do you really want that?"

"Of course I don't."

"But you don't want food either" Ash said flatly. Misty sighed and looked out the window at the hospital's beautiful grounds. A charade of peace surrounding the building while inside its patients were at wars with themselves. Misty couldn't find any sense within herself. She knew what she had to do to get better and she so desperately wanted to get better, but she didn't want to do what she had to in order to achieve that. Her mind constantly asked her why she couldn't just grab a fork and shove something in her mouth like she so easily used to, but then it would turn on her and warn her that she would just put on weight.

Weight. It had been an issue Misty had never had a problem with. She could glance in the mirror and know that there were people far worse off than her. But something had been implanted in her head, telling her that what she was eating was wrong, that she was damaging herself with the things she ate. So it started innocently enough, with her cutting back on sugar and fat and getting more greens in her diet. The weight came off without worry, her daily travels as a Pokémon trainer saw to that, but every time she saw herself leaner she felt happier. 

Down a dress size and growing slimmer by the minute, Misty found herself unable to stop thinking about food. It overruled her mind. How many calories did this have? How many grams of fat did that have? Would a lettuce leaf ravage her thighs? Eventually lettuce was pretty much all she had lived on and Ash had been totally oblivious to any change in her except that she complained of being tired all the time. He shrugged it off with a suggestion of getting to bed earlier but it didn't help and he didn't worry. Being tired was not a terminal disease.

The only thing that finally made Ash realise was the one thing that also caused him to hate himself. They had been walking to some now forgotten destination and had nearly reached their target when a small half-moan half-whisper unwillingly escaped Misty's lips. Ash turned around a second before she fell into his arms, limp with an illness that had started in her mind and spread throughout her body.

And he knew it too. Holding her, his fingers only felt bone beneath a nearly transparent skin she had covered up so well. Tender flesh he had longed to hold for so long was now a dream faded with time and he knew then. He had been moronic to not realise the skipped meals, the feeble excuses for such a small food intake, the constant fatigue...her skin and bone figure finally snapped him back into the real world. It was on that very day that she was admitted to the rehab clinic after being monitered and treated at the hospital.

Ash only blamed himself for not seeing the signs. But now he wanted to help her, he wanted to bring her back to life, and she only flatly told him that she couldn't. It caused him to be a thousand different emotions - anger, frustration, sympathy, desperation...

But above all there was love. He only felt those things because he loved her and it was the only emotion he betrayed from her. As she sat on that bed, looking hopelessly out the window at a past life she had once lived so easily, Ash felt something taking over his body. It was a feeling of need, a calling that beckoned to him so strongly that he couldn't stop it.

"Misty..." he started uncertainly. She slowly met his eyes with sunken orbs of despondency and he sighed. "I think I can help you, and I don't mean by shoving food down your throat. I'm sorry, that wasn't fair. I know this is hard for you."

"It's okay" Misty smiled weakly. 

"Look, I want nothing more than to see you get better. So I'm willing to give you an incentive."

"An incentive? What, like shouting me a movie or something?" Misty asked.

"No...something a bit bigger than that" Ash muttered nervously. Misty eyed him in confusion and he sat back down in the chair beside her bed. Grasping her hand, he was instantly taken back to the day she had collapsed in his arms and all he felt was bone. Today was no different. 

"Well come on, tell me then" Misty urged when she was met with his silence.

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time now. Too long. With you so sick I don't want the opportunity to pass me by, however I don't want the situation to arise when it's, uh, too late for me to tell you this."

"You mean if I die" Misty said slowly.

"Don't say that" Ash snapped. "You're not gonna die."

"Well you just implied it" Misty shrugged nonchalantly.

"Look, I'm going to spit this out because if I don't do it now I'll never do it." Ash paused for a moment, trying to block the nausea that was slowly creeping throughout him. "Misty, I love you. I've loved you since God knows when and all I do nowadays is kick myself because the one thing I hold close to me is slowly killing herself and I never saw it coming."

"Ash..." Misty whispered in shock.

"No wait, I'm not done" Ash said quickly. "I want you to know that what I'm about to do is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you. I'm quite sure of that because I get the horrible feeling that you in no way reciprocate anything I feel for you and -"

"You're wrong" Misty shook her head frantically. "You're so wrong, because I've loved you and I love you and I never, _ever _thought you would feel anything remotely loveable towards me."

"Mist are you kidding? You're the most loveable being in the world" Ash said softly. He so desperately wanted to reach out and stroke her opaque cheek to show her that every word he said was true, but he knew what he had to do if he wanted a shot of her getting better. "But Misty...I didn't think this would hurt you cos I thought you didn't love me, but, well I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do."

"What are you talking about?" Misty asked. She tightened the grip she had on his hand, only to be shocked and beyond disappointed when he moved away.

"I can't have you until you get better" Ash whispered.

"What?!" Misty exclaimed. "Are you really that shallow, Ash Ketchum?! You only want me when I look good? Holy shit, I thought you were decent!"

"Misty calm down" Ash said hurriedly. "Maybe I worded that wrong. I love you right now, this very moment, but unfortunately it's not my priority at the moment. Your wellbeing is. I'm just setting my priorities straight. I don't want to be loving you with the risk of you giving up on life. That wouldn't be fair to either of us."

"Let me define fair. Fair would be letting me finally indulge in these feelings that have been ravaging me for years and years, fair would be understanding even a small amount of what I'm going through. Fair would _not _be backing away from me, dangling in front of me like bait I can't have because I can't get better." Misty's words came out in a flurry of confused emotions and she felt tears welling up in her eyes. "Godammit, I want you more than anything."

"So that's the incentive. When you make progress, so do we" Ash said. 

"Ash don't -"

"I mean it. This is killing me but I've tried everything else. At first this was a desperation move but now...I dunno, maybe it could work. All I know is that I want you better and if I, pretty much your only friend in the world, have to move away from you in order for that to happen then I'm sorry, I'll do it."

"No you can't, Ash I love you, you have no idea" Misty said desperately. Ash avoided her eyes. The urge to touch her, kiss her, tell her that he loved her so much it hurt as much as seeing her sick did was so great but he couldn't succumb to it until she made some sort of progress. 

"See ya soon, Misty." Ash couldn't even look back as he hastily made his way out the door and back to that corridor that had scared him so much. He frantically swiped at his eyes to break the teardrops before they fell and walked away for what he knew would be a while yet.

Misty, on the other hand, had no desire to hold back her tears. They fell silently but in their dozens as she thought of everything she had lost. And to have Ash added to that list was the last thing she wanted. How could that possibly make her get well?

__

Because you want him that much, her mind told her. _If he can make you happy just by being who he is, why can't you be who you truly are and make him happy too?_

Staring at the tray of cold food, Misty rang a bell for a nurse. She walked in a minute later. Misty was dry eyed and stared at the nurse with a look few people saw. Pure determination surged throughout her as she thought of Ash, the only incentive she ever wanted, the only person she wanted to be proud of her. The next two words she spoke brought nothing but hope to the nurse and maybe to herself too.

"I'm ready."

*******

It was another three months before Ash found the guts to walk back into that clinic. For three months his mind and his heart had played tricks on him, telling him he had to go back and save her himself. But even he knew he couldn't save her, he could only try and hope for the best. The time had passed so slowly. It challenged him to forget about her for at least a couple of months, to trust himself with the theory that he had done all he could. In time he would know the result of his 'offer.' 

Nights were spent staring at the sky, counting the stars he used to see in Misty's eyes when she was herself. He remembered his words to her - _this was not written in the stars_ - and he knew he was right. This was just a glitch in her fate. A major glitch, but a glitch that could be fixed nonetheless. He slept with nightmares of death taking Misty over, of invisible beings that stole his beloved and laughed that it was his fault. He hadn't seen it, he hadn't done anything until it was nearly too late.

But they were only nightmares. They weren't reality. This was.

He was stopped by a nurse at the reception who enquired about where he was heading.

"I'm going to see Misty Waterflower."

"Oh" the nurse said flatly. Ash felt a panic swell in his stomach and eyed the nurse worriedly. "She was moved last week. Go down that corridor, fifth door on the left."

"That's it?" Ash asked.

"Yeah. What else would there be?" The nurse eyed him with a raised eyebrow and he shook his head.

"Nothing you just...you had me scared." Ash smiled in gratitude and started following the directions. But his frantically beating heart sank as he walked into the room and found it empty. Where was she? Throwing up food? No wait, she never actually threw it up. But what if she'd changed, if she had started...

"Ash!" He turned around at the sound of his name and almost fainted from the shock that instantly rippled through him. Only meters away stood the one he loved, but she was almost unrecognisible from the frail portrait he had seen three months ago. It wasn't a total transformation to the Misty he really knew but it was a huge step. Her cheeks had regained colour, a smile lit up her face, her hair flowed freely like it had been released from a trap of listless torture and her eyes beamed out hope and maybe even happiness.

Ash wasted only fractional time striding over to Misty and stared down on her in disbelief. She smiled sheepishly at him and then blushed, thinking she might have done something wrong.

"I tried Ash, I really tried. I go to the group sessions and I've started eating again. It's slow progress but..." She trailed off when she realised Ash had raised a hand to her cheek. She closed her eyes to savour the feeling in case it escaped her too soon but it was to linger a silent while longer. Another smile adorned her and Ash reflected it.

"I am so proud of you. I wasn't sure if you could do it, after the way you were talking a while ago."

"I wasn't sure either. But you saved me Ash. You're saving me every day, when I eat the tiniest morsal or set another goal that's you saving me. And geez, I can never repay you for that, it would be such a big obligations" Misty said in what seemed to be awe.

"Yes you can" Ash whispered. He slowly bent down to bestow the softest, most meaningful and longest kiss he was sure he would ever experience in his life and the experienced only sweetened when Misty returned it. A moment that suspended in time was all they recognised, apart from unfamiliar yet wonderful emotions coursing through them. The kiss thrived on a love they now realised was worth waiting for. An incentive that had been a desperation move had turned out for more than the best.

"If that's how I can repay you then wow, that's no obligation at all" Misty smiled as they finally pulled away. Ash only responded by initiating another kiss they both melted into and hope suddenly seemed to augment in an instant. Misty still wasn't fully back to herself but she had come a long way in such a short space of time that things only seemed to be looking brighter.

Ash got to hold her close again, and this time all he felt was love enveloping them, which was all he ever wanted to feel. All they both ever wanted to feel. A love that was only brought to light by an incentive could only grow and develop into something that could survive anything.

Misty was surviving, as would her love for Ash.

A/N: Done! Swell, lol. Anyways please feel free to say what's on your mind about this, cos I know anorexia is a touchy subject. I tend to get into those touchy subjects a lot, don't I? Hmm…well yeah, let me know what you think and AAML forever! Yay!


End file.
